Just remove yourself from the equation. We had a 'good' conversation during which I was even vulnerable enough to weep. It can start with your attitude and habits toward mudane chores, and grow into appreciation for the littlest of lifes pleasures. This is the first time in my life that Ive lived alone, and its a little exhilarating. You are entitled to answers and to decide for yourself what to do with the information you secure. Youre just afraid to accept the facts. Why? But while confronting the other woman/man may bring about a temporary sense of satisfaction, long term it probably does little to help resolve the Only God can make this work. Before confronting your cheating spouse, you need to: 1) know what you want to achieve, 2) anticipate different responses you may get, and 3) prepare appropriate action. It didnt seem to bother her that he was lying to her - she just said what fun he must be having sleeping with us both. It's about us. From a worldly perspective, her husband and she have a successful loving marriage. How I found about the affair was her calling constantly when he was home. I cut the cord. So i answered the phone. Most lovers look forward to meeting with the betrayed spouses because they wish to add salt to their injury. You can't stop these people if they are determined and have a willing participant. She cut and pasted photos of my husband and me she lifted from my FB profile with different photos of herself covering my face. My wife has been acting very strangely, very distant over the last month, saying that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants from life. Sofor really the first time in 38 years I am very serious in considering getting a divorce. break off all contact with you till I was informed. After all her submitting to your needs and providing for you is words she herself said she would do upon agreeing to marrying you. It would be good if you both didnt yell anyone what had happened. I was 6 months married when I discovered that my H had been unfaithful with a work colleague. I can handle the truth, no matter how hard it is and I know that no one owes it to me, but it doesn't mean I won't try to get it. Can you give me any advice? Patience is a virtue, especially under the most trying circumstances. And so forth. Meredith, I've been married for six years to the love of my life. He would lie about the weather if I couldnt see outside the window for myself. A: What you experience is a natural emotion of jealousy and insecurity. 2018 Truth About Deception. I didnt even have to show her the evidence. provide your spouse with the opportunity to openly demonstrate how much he/she cares about his/her lover. Completely unfair. I dont think she really wants to be married to me at all. Apparently she has booked an appointment to see a councillor. I wish that for your sake he won't want to say anything in reply to what you say, but knowing APs, he will and it will be unpredictable and probably extremely painful what he says in reply, even if it isn't founded on truth. But I am not vindictive. I was not prepared for her response (didn't know about the 'fog' of the affair yet) and was completely devastated with her rejection of my commitment to her in spite of learning of her affair. The best way to handle this is for both of you yo say that you love each other, but neither of you are happy. Rick, thank you for this article. She does not deserve the recognition. What a s$%&show. Will your spouse take your side? I thought to myself - how on earth can I be sued she will be telling me the truth and not manipulating the situation. If you pretend it isn't happening, she will keep stringing you along. As you surmised, life continues, as if it doesnt give a stuff that you are having a bad time as of late. It's called buyers remorse. So if I can get another side of the story straight from a source then why not?! What I noticed most about her was her voice. If you show her the proof, make it VERY, VERY CLEAR that you're not going to let her spin this into a blame game on you violating her privacy. They don't care that my husband's affair with her caused him to lose his 17-year ministry career or that it did permanent damage to our marriage and his relationships with our girls. Letting the cheater have the affair partner. I cannot confront her in public. Rick's comment that people affair down, not up, is very interesting & my guess is that he's right. Marriage is between two people; the husband and wife. Recovery took a long time, but now we are getting better. Not there yet. TL;DR, but he does not need a PI, he has all the proof he needs. Any how. I divorced him and he married her. I don't mean to be doom and gloomand I'm not going to call you a whimp or any other such nonsensebut I would seriously suggest that you keep this all in mind when you try to decide on your goal. When you have all your ducks in a row, have gone past the PI phase, moved on with the evidence to an attorney, and the attorney has compiled it all together and made the initial moves and it is time to serve her the papers, you must still be nonchalant and appear ignorant about the giant moves underway. I would sit her down and ask her to explain why "she is confused and doesn't know what she wants from life" now.. when 12 months ago she wanted to get married. Should I tell the affair partner's spouse? Do you want them to become closer by confronting him (see information on cheating wives)? That's where all of us recovering from adultery need to focus. What do you think she would do if you were having an affair? I wished her no ill will, I just needed her to confirm that it is as in fact over. You will have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, that it is just the grieving cycle. There might also be some truth in it -- but how messed up is that? I would like to communicate with you further! If he sees a dress he likes and he cannot buy it for me but get it for another lady, then there is a problem and we have to solve it. If you need to flag this entry as abusive. WebPlease advise. She used the same kinds of words my lover did; you could tell that they were a couple. Do not fight around him or anything. This girl is delusional. Go get a big steak, go lift some weights and then think about this. H was a truck driver and she his dispatcher. What advice do you have for those us whom dont seek them, they seek us BS? She then responded saying not to blame her blah blah. The great part about this is, youre already moving through all the steps. Space Is Limited! He was old, ugly, and weak. He just needs to do it. You may want to scare them by threatening to tell their spouse about the affair. document.write(new Date().getFullYear()) Under no circumstance should you lose your temper, or get violent. And perhaps the most surprising feeling of all- elation, mixed with relief. Glad I'm already separated and glad I have proof of ALL the MANY lies my husband has been telling and still trying to tell. The law states that if you contact somone more than one time and they don't want to her from you because it makes them feel uncomfortable or bad about themselves it can be looks at as a " course of conduct" and you can be issued a warning. I believe my spouse and I can talk things over and settle our differences without involving a third party. We talked a long time and I told her that I was going to contact her husband and let him know that I knew and how disappointed I was in both of them . Just yesterday, I met with another woman who's been sleeping with my husband for about as long as we've been married. She said it's over, but I know it's not. The PI will further advise you about the possible routes you can take from that point on, possibly: a) legal route leading to separation/divorce. I remember commenting on your original post a while ago. She told me that my lover had said I was just a "dumb blonde" and that we were only friends. There's nothing abnormal about a woman whose partner has cheated wanting to confront the other woman. File for divorce dude. You deserve much better than this. She used our meeting to gain sympathy from her husband. She hasn't. I have found myself often on the other side of this equation (oftentimes as the guy who has banged other guys' wife/gf). This may be hard to understand in the cold light of day. You will get through this. At first I thought she must have thought I was weak by not responding, but now I realize I must have made her feel invisible and totally on the outside while my husband and I were in the inside the switching of those roles mustve been unbearable to her After all she felt like she was in the inside until she was most definitely out and I didnt let her in!!! The are so arrogant when they had the affair. This is just a new beginning. That's totally permitted, however. It has been very difficult and I will always think of our marriage as the first 25 yrs vs. the rest of it. It was easy for her to manipulate his schedule in order for them to spend time together. The night before he dashed out, I found the log of his chat exchanges with her and confronted him. Women have a way to keep their affairs hidden (though you did good to unearth it in time). Let me repeat, do not confront your loving wife. - S., Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing participant. Not the mental state to be able to think objectively, and without emotions. When we met I did not confront him but rather simply asked him how it started & what it meant to him & so on. Look, to exist in an affair for any length of time, you have to be a few sandwiches shy of picnic. I just give you my opinion from some real life experiences. b) Making point a) above, redundantwherein you and your attorney so shame her with a few select documentary evidences of her picadilloes (promising her that a much larger cache evidence is available with your attorney), that she decides not to contest the divorce, and virtually signs on dotted lines. It is only a mad man that will do that. Talking to the affair partner is comparing apples and oranges. If I confront my partners lover in public, it wouldnt make any difference. My wife will even marry the man. Yes I know she would lie to me if it helped her cause - I cant trust her - and phoning her is the only way I know to find out if the affair is over, but I cant as if it is over it would start it up again, and if it isnt I know the truth will find me in Gods perfect time. I traveled to a random country and got off the plane realizing it was a Muslim country. When devastated by my wife's adultery I responded with great naivete: I believed my wife's partial & trickle truths; in response to her blaming me I took on much too much responsibility & accepted her revisionist history of our marriage; I did not demand an immediate cessation of the affair & no contact; I did not demand she make amends. And i would assume a great many of things as well. I hope you'll consider our EMS Online course for couples. She denied knowing he was ever married (lie) and blamed everything on him. I work through things and my coping skills are excellent. Built their house on land we were supposed to and made sure to get married in the city we loved as a couple so thats wrecked for me. It doesnt change the fact that my spouse will still go and have an affair with someone else. Do you really want to help him as you say you do? You deserve better. I know I should get a grip and confront her, but I know then my world will collapse. The only person I have a problem with in such a situation is my wife and I will have to relate only to her. Again he didn't reply. Copyright PUNCH. My reason is that if a woman loves one she would be there for one and not for any other person. This also backfired. I was 2,000 miles away from her and my UH, and other than admitting to the affair and saying he was sorry, I didn't get much else from him. I have a reputation I would not want to tarnish. She basically wanted to discuss two things. Over analysing this is doing my head in - I need to take action, however painful. So confronting an affair partner? She will need to resolve her feelings. Not as bad as you, but I do fell your pain. She sent him a nasty gram including things like " I was forced to listen to her message" that she "almost felt sad for me listening to my voice" and when I asked her for "conformation of status" in my message she replied to him with "That girl has trust issues" he didn't reply. My wife is lying to me. That is the time when she would come crawling to you. The most important thing to remember; is every new day you are rebuilding and retooling your ship. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Do not tell her how you know. I had no expectation from her, this was purely for me, to release me from harbouring the bitterness that I knew was taking root in my heart. Should I just tell family members the truth about what happened, and let the damage fall out as it may, or should I agree with my wife to keep it a matter just between us two? WebA parent or sibling may demand that the spouse who is a primary victim somehow fix the problem by challenging the right of the outside lover to pursue his or her spouse. Your wife had a 20 year affair, and you believe it was none of her fault? When the scales fall off his eyes, he will know his way home. My H and her had very similar personality. Only a mad manll do that- Jonathan Akpan. And in the other case, narcissistic people don't think the rules apply to them -- and that doesn't stop at poaching your spouse. I wonder if she's still married to my ex-lover and if she's happy. You are no longer a husband, but an ex. Your confrontation is fresh conversational content for your husband and his affair partner. Conflicts are My head was kind of spinning due to this, and then I accidentally stumbled upon compelling evidence she was having an affair (a huge compilation of love emails between her and her lover that she had left on our shared dropbox account). The marriage is between my husband and me. What would you do? Wednesday 18 January 2023 05:42, UK There are no kids and assets are minimal so that is not my concern. You really need to let go of this whole thing. Through it all, however, I am glad that I've never fixated on the AP, nor have I wasted much energy in hostility toward him. 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They both mutually said the worst about me, making me a common enemy. Confronting your lover's lover. He denied it at first but when faced with the undeniable evidence I presented to the pastor he confessed, said he was sorry (to the pastor - never to me or my wife) for what he had done, and that was that. I wish you all strength. To compare notes. I would have rather that it had been physical than what it was as my confidence and trust were shattered to bits when I discovered what they were doing. No response this time. We CAN FINALLY move forward! TBH I don't know what my game plan is. They use tracking devices to keep a tab on the love birds and their cars to corroborate the cellphone trail, photo/video evidences. Become closer by confronting him ( see information on cheating wives ) to tarnish need a PI, will! Go lift some weights and then think about this and insecurity, her husband and his partner... 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Words she herself said she would be good if you both didnt yell anyone what had happened to!
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