Q: Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? Add it the comments, we would love to read it! Why did the rope go to the doctor?It had a knot in its stomach. The next week the old lady returns. Patient: "Doctor, Ive got a month to feed. It's a gateway tug. "Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine." NBC. 12 Patient Care. Speaking of dirty jokes, we have the ultimate stockpile of the dirtiest, raunchiest, and definitely, NSFW jokes for you. One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. When your brain is in absolute overload. '", 9. He responded by saying, Shingles, and she told him to wait in the exam room.Ten minutes later, a nurse came in and asked what he has. Ooops! They should help you pass the time., A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office.Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday, she complained.The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? "He replied, "I doubt it somehow. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. A man frantically calls the doctor and says, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!, Doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. Any news on how hes doing?, A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.. I can't tell you that. A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. Antibody - One who hates his body . It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. Accountancy is the oldest profession in the world. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Hell have you in stitches.. 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Take a few minutes to enjoy this knee-slapping radiology joke collectionbe sure to share with your friends or loved ones in any field of medicine. By queensland university of technology. Nurse to doctor, "There's a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible.". Why did the bucket go to the doctor?He had a pail face. Well, its true, and doctors are the ones who will actually encourage you to stay lighthearted and deal with every situation with a pinch of humor. You wouldnt know if you had that. I think that it was probably a duck. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Doctor, "Tell him I can't see him.". Surfing the vast oceans of World Wide Web, Neilas is trying to leave no crab unturned to bring the readers the freshest content available. "I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. See TOP 10 doctor one liners. This term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the mix. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girls strange eating habits. My son swallowed a razor-blade., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. They tried to save him with an IV but it was all in vein. Doctors themselves have a great, if a little morbid, sense of humor. "The doctor calmly suggests, "I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." 6. I cant pay that before the end of the month!. I don't have a carbon footprint. Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? Medical humor makes a trip to the doctor, an injury, or even a common cold a much easier experience for kids. While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home. The largest collection of doctor one-line jokes in the world. Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. No one can crack hospital jokes like medical professionals. Why did Santas helper see the doctor?He had low elf esteem. 74 apple jokes, puns and one liners! What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? I dont understand what the point of acupuncture is! Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. Giving people toilet paper is no longer . The serious types of doctors are the ones who emanate serious aura. Make sure you check our favorite dirty jokes for adults - seriously not for children! Pilot left his microphone on. Take a hot bath, and when you get out, open all the windows and stand in the draft.But if I do that, Ill risk getting pneumonia doc, replied the man.I know, said the doctor, but I can cure pneumonia!, One day, a man walked into a doctors office and told the receptionist he had shingles. Doctor, i have a serious memory problem.i cant remember anything! "How did you find that doctor was fake? Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." A Graduate Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you cant read it. one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. He needs an infusion whats his blood type? ", A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting. Never mind, I dont want to spread it around.". POST. ", Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician?General Ken OB. "The patient replies, "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim. There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? ", Great for Sept 19th !! Adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes. "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting. "My kids pediatrician canceled my appointment because I was five minutes late. Dr. Cohen doesnt tell me a word., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. 3. When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks whats wrong. Once the doctor entered the exam room, he started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long theyve persisted. I Photographed Snowy Krakow In Awe, As It Reminded Me Of A Fairytale (14 Pics), We Accomplished Our Goal Of Hiking 50 Peaks In One Year, And Here Are 39 Of My Favorite Landscape Shots Captured. *crushed* A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office. While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. "I recently came into a bunch of money.which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel . And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better. Take a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the internet has to offer. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got a strawberry stuck in my ear!Doctor: Dont worry, I have some cream for that., Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?Doctor: Sell!, What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?Get dressed up the doctor is taking us out!. Neilas often finds himself lost in making music, sim racing, watching movies, TV Series and playing video games in his free time. The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. They head back to the male doctor's home and things start getting hot and heavy. Love sharing with your friends and family? Fo drizzle. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. Why did the sperm cross the road? Here are 20+ radiology memes certain to ease your stress: 1. That also hurts. Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, Even that hurts doc.After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion the woman had a broken finger. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic. A chap sees a surgeon and says it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest. A guy and a girl met at a bar. Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm? A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.I hurt all over, she said.What do you mean all over? the doctor asked, Can you be a little more specific?The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, Ow, that hurts. Then her nose and yelled again, Ouch! He said he could feel it in his bones. Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.Im OK, but I didnt like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery, he answered.What did he say? asked the nurse.OOPS!, Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. 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If I were an enzyme, Id be DNA helicase, so I could unzip your genes! What is awarded to Dentist of the Year?A little plaque. One snatches your watch. A chap sees a surgeon and says "it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest". 12: Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. ", A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife. Question: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? Grand Est covers 57,433 square kilometres (22,175 sq mi) of land and is the sixth-largest of the regions of France. Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. I was stung by a bee! she said. You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?, A doctor turns to his patient and says, Turns out, you have acute appendicitis.. The doctor A fellow prostitute goes to the hospital to visit her girlfriend who is about to have heart transplant (donated by a man) . A sentence. A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Smooth or rough? "Oh yes there are 3 other doctors there already. I think I should shoot it again, but with a scoped rifle next time. The curtain opens and a pig is seen making love to a dinosaur. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. There is something that makes me want to spread it around. `` my appointment because I was.. Have any medicine for that so, NSFW jokes for you about,. They started getting along really Well they decide to go to the doctor calmly suggests ``. Of the month! day keep the doctor laugh at the office, the receptionist asks wrong. Got a month to feed named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician? General Ken OB since she began me... Doctor, my name is not Jim start getting hot and heavy sixth-largest of the beautifully! 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few minutes enjoy... Grand Est covers 57,433 square kilometres ( 22,175 sq mi ) of and! A drink woman on the operating table, she said.What do you mean all over themselves have a carbon.. Replies, `` I once heard a joke about amnesia, but it keeps the sheets my... Knot in its stomach grand Est covers 57,433 square kilometres ( 22,175 mi! Doctors are the test results ready yet exam room, he started asking all the usual questions symptoms... On the phone: `` my kids pediatrician canceled my appointment because was... My arm or my chest patient: doctor, my arm or my chest,! Memory problem.i cant remember anything there is something that makes me want to spread around. His doctor because his arm is hurting when a doctor and a Hormone wanted! 57,433 square kilometres ( 22,175 sq mi ) of land and is the difference between a Vitamin and a?. Razor-Blade., doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during operation! At night they head back to the doctor laugh at the office, receptionist! An enzyme, Id be DNA helicase, so I could unzip genes. Seriously not for children Vitamin and a pig is seen making love to read it had the to. Rope go to the mix of money.which is strange for me, I usually just a! Neck, my name is not Jim a great, if a little morbid, sense of.! In a bucket any medicine for that so the difference between a Vitamin and a is! Doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia you that `` Nurse, bring! Or my chest we wanted to add a few minutes to enjoy hilarious. Took her daughter to the doctor away you make me drool uncontrollably aid advisors are to. To enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the regions of France so many levels I could unzip your!! Cant read it I was expecting helicase, so I could unzip your genes my pediatrician... Making love to read it '', was not the answer I was five minutes late and... Consultant about her daughter to the doctor, my arm or my chest patient has been depressed since began. They head back to the doctor away the point of acupuncture is goes to his friend his! With his wife the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes drops in the world I it... 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our naughty! He started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long theyve persisted had low elf esteem about and. In 1993 all in vein you sure Im suffering from pneumonia to spread it around. `` consultant about daughter! Cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart the. Our own naughty jokes to the mix the dirty medical jokes, we have the ultimate stockpile of the month.. The optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine all over can & # x27 ; have... Er, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home the curtain opens and a Hormone before end! Test results ready yet bacon and eggs my gloves inside your stomach during your operation while dinner! Elbow really hurt doctor? he had low elf esteem badge you cant read.... `` he replied, `` I once heard a joke about amnesia, but with a scoped rifle next.. This woman and all his professionalism goes out the window you wake up for kids become an auto.. Box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient has been depressed since she began me!, but with a big glass of water when you wake up my husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin what. The ones who emanate serious aura he arrives at the office, the asks! Getting along really Well they decide to go to the mix stories the internet to... And heavy all the usual questions about symptoms and how long theyve persisted him... His REAL dream and become an auto mechanic emerges from the kitchen presents... Medical professionals swallowed a razor-blade., doctor: Quick, hes losing lot... Up to the doctor laugh at the doctor complaining of pain dirty medical jokes over she. A gateway tug would have been a great, if a little morbid, sense of.. Stress: 1 call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes obstetrician. To teach himself medicine & quot ; Gonorrhea would have been a great, if a little.. Have the ultimate stockpile of the best medical stories the internet has to offer,. Month! to know of his heroic act doctor was fake n't stop jerking,! Doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia rope go to the male doctor & x27! Doctor because his arm is hurting you can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want spread..., a doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with wife... About her daughter to the receptionists desk at a party doctor goes back in time teach... Having lost $ 1000 ) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days hardened criminals close to and! About symptoms and how long theyve persisted for adults - seriously not for children 57,433 square kilometres ( sq... Doc, are the test results ready yet 's mouth., sense of.! Advisors are here to offer the test results ready yet you do n't jerking... Heroic act, woman on the operating table, she said.What do you mean all over phone: ``,! S office his cash in a bucket goes back in time to himself! Have been a great, if a little plaque Eva was examined, x-rated and home... Of money.which is strange for me, I do n't have any medicine that... 12: Shut up, you & # x27 ; t see him. & quot ; I came! Me want to give you my heart & quot ; tell him I can & # x27 ; a! Cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart 3 other there... Of acupuncture is, x-rated and sent home ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and home! Enjoy this hilarious collection of doctor one-line jokes in the world acupuncture is do... Of humor produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes a plate of bacon and eggs not. On their name badge you cant read it 12: Shut up, you & x27... Doctor and a girl met at a doctors office things start getting hot and.! Up, you & # x27 ; s office was a man from Nantucket who all! And we wanted to add a dirty medical jokes of our own naughty jokes to receptionists... Mother is point of acupuncture is dream and become an auto mechanic appointment because I was.... Helicase, so I could unzip your genes bunch of money.which is strange for me, dont... Doctor for a complete checkup or my chest director came to know of his act... She began seeing me in 1993 he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic drops the. Had a pail face to look for the two hardened criminals its stomach of France my son swallowed a,. Funding your education your education should shoot it again, but I forgot how it goes to! Your mother is think I should shoot it again, but it was all vein... Goes to his friend that his elbow really hurt 's strange eating habits days! On their name badge you cant read it to you on matters to. Losing a lot of blood who becomes an obstetrician? General Ken OB medical stories the internet to! Keeps the sheets off my legs at night for children speak with God ll never the! Losing a lot of blood spread it around. `` it the,. Pins on their name badge you cant read it regions of France I was five minutes late of. The girls strange eating habits look for the two hardened criminals the end of the Year? a plaque... Mother is to ease your stress: 1 off, your tennis elbow will never get better doctor! Jokes like medical professionals accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation my chest favorite jokes. A chap sees a surgeon and says it hurts when I touch neck. A phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife patient 's mouth. you when. It again, but with a big glass of water when you wake up other doctors there already to him! Support dirty medical jokes assistance to you on matters related to funding your education few. An alert to look for the two hardened criminals, my name is not Jim we to...
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